Monday, January 27, 2014

I Beat Jenny at No Pun Intendo

He chose Ivy.

"You're going to need and IV!"

Last Friday night the comedians were hot and bothered drinkin' forties for The Friday Forty. I decided to go early and catch the show, put in the 8 dollars and the extra fee for Paypal. I went for Paul Scheer, the new Shemp of Hollywood. You might think Patton Oswalt's ugly up close with his beady eyes and walking fetus demeanor, but he has hair. Shemp died poor, Scheer will die rich; been a fan since Human Giant.
Paul Scheer left and Scott Gimple right

 He made me laugh along side the shows host Scott Gimple from The Walking Dead.What the Hell is he doing here?
Scott Gimple and Dave Holmes

He's with Dave Holmes who were begged to do a podcast of the show, but seemed too lazy to get it done. Future Man and a man with no arms asked trivia to Scheer, Alison Haislip and someone who does trivia night's going by the name Steve as the downed forties.
Future man in gold with back up signer
The best segment might have been guessing if a Tweet from Yoko Ono was real or not. Or it could have been the billboard's segment where players must pose like the actors in the new billboards out. How Scheer and Haislip knew the positions of Kevin Hart and Ice Cube for whatever bad comedy there in, I don't know.

Scheer Won.

We would both be winners that night.

The crowd shuffled out and the free show shuffled in ... after a long wait.

In line people chatted about what games would be played and asked what the experience would be like. I pondered that too. I talked to a man with molecules on his shirt and a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Bandana on his head, his name was Kiel.

Kiel was going to kick my ass.

We shlepped in. We shlepped down to our seats. I chatted with the person next to me about Google Glasses and the law when it comes to driving. The law lost.

The setup wasn't much different from the previous show. There would be snacks though. A table with a dinosaur pinata; a triceratops caught my eye.

Some old people seating in front of me seemed out of place. I would find out later they were there for a reason. A reason that wasn't that funny.

There was a difference with the previous show I forget to mention, a big orange couch for one's butt to sit in and play.

The music got loud and the show began. David Cope came on stage and Bette Bentley got behind a computer and on a mic. I don't know why she did when I think about it. She wasn't technical support, she was the score keeper. We had a white score board.

Ron Funches was introduced. He got on stage. Ron is funny to look at. He's a fat black guy with dreadlocks.

*Plug- Going to be on the new NBC series Undateable from Bill Lawrence who gave us Clone High.

David and Ron talked gaming. Ronald was sad he didn't bring his 3DS to get Street Passes. He should be.


Jenny the champion. Jenny the best of the best. Jenny talked as though she was a member of the group. She had an outspoken voice. Jenny, this champion of champions of the last No Pun Intendo was so loved by Ron he gave her some black chocolate and it was totally taken as a double entendre.

This was the first time I saw Jenny. I couldn't see her when she talked due to where she was seating and she wasn't that tall. All I knew was she was the champion.

They asked her what new system she had. She answered, "The Wii U."

 "I said new system" , snapped back Ron.

We all kind of agreed in the audience how the PS4 and Xbox One had no games to play right now over discussion. That night we wouldn't be playing those systems. That night we were suppose to play N64. We didn't. It died.

Someone was kind enough to let us use their Wii. This kind fellow brought many systems to play, only he's Wii was touched. First up was Golden Eye.

David and Ron had to choose teams before that and thus the struggle began. Questions were asked, some about games, some about girl things. Those girl things questions were from the comic book name sounding Bette Bently. Only the one about the Golden Girls was answered.

Teams were formed.

Paper bags controlled fates. In one bag was our names, in another trivia questions. Answer correctly and you're put on Ron or David's team. 4 member units each. 4 points to win.

Ron wasted everyone's time looking for a tweet from someone so that person could be on his team. The show stopped as we watched him look through his tweets. It took forever.

I got in on Ron's team. "Joel and Ellie, " I answered. Thank G-d I talked to Lead Cinematic Animator, David Lam and Lead Gameplay Animator, Mike Yosh of The Last of Us on Tuesday.

Kiel was on David's team. Sid, a man seating in my row was on my team. His shirt was of a bat with a robin. It made fun of Batman and Robin.

The other comedians. Ron and David and possibly Bette Bentley invited other comedians for the show. Josh Fadem and Andy Peters showed up.They sat on the sofa at the start.

Golden Eye was set to play as the first game. David and Ron explained it would be an odd sort of game where a comedian would control half the controller with you. That never happened. We never got to play Golden Eye.

Many attempts to get it to work were tried. Soon instead of a four player game it was a one on one game.

This proceeding took so long I saw someone take out their 3DS.

Bette Bently started to throw out snacks to a hungry crowd. Chips and sodas were given freely to the masses. Cookies and donuts balls were eaten with glee.

There would be no singing that night from Andy Peters and Josh Fadem. They left. I overheard Josh questioning why he even came.

Maybe someone should have entertained the crowd while setup was going. I was entertained by it not working and bonding with my team.

Finally, Justin in a red shirt would be playing Mario Kart Wii for our team. They gave up on playing Golden Eye. Living up to being a red shirt Justin died. One point for David's team. He and another member of my team would play a rematch. Bowser kicked some ass. We yelled out for Bowser to win in the second match.

"Bowser, there's a reason you're called King Koopa, "I shouted. Bowser won. The other team applauded and group hugged. Bowser was never on our team. We were mislead. Ron was sad.
Two points for David's team.
nerdmelt's Instagrams

Ron never motivated us or anything or gave us a speech. He kind of just stood there or I don't remember anything he said as it wasn't memorable.

*Undateable coming midseason to NBC.

Brawl loaded. Kiel had come up to bat. We both chose Kirby. I chose him first and got original pink. He chose second and was blue like Prince Fluff from Kirby's Epic Yarn. I hope he makes it into Smash Bros for Wii U. Ike was on my team, Toon Link was on his.

We got the Donkey Kong fast ever ascending level. Things got real. I was on the sofa.

"These controls suck" , I thought. I got the classic controller and didn't know the right buttons for Kirby. I was the first to die. Kiel as blue Kirby killed me. Kiel killed me. It was a three stock match. I died thrice. I like Ike, but he died. David's team had three points.

No rematch. The next game was Soul Calibur for the Wii. The one with Link in the mix. I had played the Xbox 360 version. I tagged in. Special points were added. Three points to the winner. We could still make it or die. My throat wasn't dry. Thanks, Mountain Dew!

David won't allow anyone to play for his team, they have to do a Soul Cailbur poem moment. Something about sexiness is spoken and I have a challenger.

I take off my dress shirt and show off my Fangamer Mario Kart shirt. I'm wearing a Dry Bones hat given to me by the fine folks of the video game store World 8 in Koreatown.

I chose Mitsurugi for his long sword for distance. Ivy was asked by the crowd. My opponent chose Ivy. "You're going to need and I.V.!, "I shouted as the match started. I was worried. Then I struck Ivy down again and again again until she fell off the side. Second match, Ivy has more footing this time. She can grab me. Damn, she can grab me and it hurts. She strikes me with her whip blade a few times. I dodge. She gets in a few more hits. Were close to killing each other. I strike and she falls. The crowd applauds. Ron's team has three points. David's team has three points.

I offer the controller to my team. They decline. I'm in it to win it.


I'm facing Nightmare. A sword with a demon eye on it with long reach. Mistrugi is up to the challenge. I get a perfect.

Nightmare gets angry. Nightmare gets in his blows in the second match. As soon enough, I strike diligently back at him. We trade blows and Knightmare is no more, I'm living my dream. I win the game for my team.

My team is awarded prints by Mads Peitersen of controllers with anatomy guts. I win the ReroDuo with StreetFigher 2 and Jaws for Nes. Someone sweetened the pot and put in and AppleTV 1st Generation and a DDR Universe 360 Mat without the game.
My winnings

A new challenger approaches.

Oh, I didn't win. I'm informed by Ron. "It's not over, " says Ron. I have to defeat Jenny. I have to defeat Jenny at Brawl. Sh*t.

We sit down on the couch. She chooses the options. Three stock. Items on. Final Destination. She chooses Kirby. I want to be Kirby. I take time and choose my man Mario. This is it. I take out the classic controller, I'll win or die by wii-mote.

We begin and Mario kicks Kirby in the face. I haven't played this game in a while, like a year or months. Jenny who was so cocky says this out loud.

Mario coin punches Kirby up into the sky. Feverishly, I stay low to the ground trying not to be kicked off into infinity. Mario has moves. Kirby can swallow me whole.

Jenny never swallows. I'm never eaten. She can get the Smash Ball though and knows how to use it. I'm put into Kirby's bowl. I swirl around with regret as my numbers jump up. Smash balls come and I'm able to capture them. I don't know how to activate the Smash Ball powers. I yell this out during our match and accidentally freeze frame the screen.

After button mashing I finally get my Kamehama like fire ball ... in the wrong direction. No matter how many balls I get. Kirby slowly flys away from my attack. The frustration.

She's down to one Kirby though. I had beaten her down. Low stock was close to me as well. I think I might have had one stock left too.

Then the bat came. My baseball bat. I hit Kirby once, twice, three times and he's out of there. Jenny is defeated! I beat Jenny! The crowd cheers! I get up and fist pump. My team bro-hugs me and congratulates me. Jenny is still sitting down on the couch in disbelief. I extend my hand in good sportsmanship and she takes it. It was a fun match.

It's revealed that the two old people in the audience are Bette Bentley's parents. Prizes are given out to the crowd. Buttons and Pac-Man coasters.

I take my prizes and go. The next day I visit and old friend on my new SuperDuo, Mario. I love Super Mario World.

David and Ron