Friday, January 27, 2017

Resident Evil: The Final Chapter Review: Terrible, I Know It Is, Why'd I Watch It

When friends ask me, "Why do you see those movies, they're terrible?," I say, "I know, you're right." I don't even fight it, they're right, I have no excuse. Jeez, this is just depressing.

Last night, I went to the GameStop EXCLUSIVE Screening at Universal's AMC 19, me and the 8 other people who came out to see it...did watch it. And luckily, they did a really good job on the new AMC theater, the seats, the whole theater is great.

Oh, the movie. Let's just go over the things I liked. There's no reason for you to see it in theaters unless nothing else is out  and you need to kill time and your stuck somewhere, even then I recommend trying something else to do.

What I do watch this series? It's the Umbrella Corporation. And this movie has Umbrella Corporation's new gear. Let's go over the gear in the film as that's the only thing I cared about in the movie.

1. Umbrella Motorcycle

First up is the brand new Umbrella Corporation Motorcycle. A sleek Kawasaki looking number that requires fingerprint I.D. or you'll be shocked trying to ride it. The vehicle has a great paint job of the Umbrella Corporation logo on it and comes in nice red color. With the end of the world, why not look as cool as possible when there's less than 5,000 people left on Earth. It launches from the side of the Umbrella Corporation Battle Tank letting you scout or leave the  tank for whatever you need while it's still in motion.

2. Umbrella Corporation Battle Tank

These bad boys let Umbrella traverse what's left of the world on the ground. Battle Tanks come with missile launchers and gun turrets in the front. A gun turret in the back for taking out any zombies or non-Umbrella groups. Storage cages for what's left for humanity inside and very intricate cockpit that can be piloted by one if need be.The battle tank can open in the back for the fast transport of people or to toss someone out to run behind the tank as bait. They aren't invincible and are weak against fire when open to the elements and exceeding speeds going down hill. Other than that there quite useful in getting around what was America. Comes with bags of trail mix.

3. Mini Holographic Communicator, Projector and GPS

This tiny device can not only give you excellent signal during the Apocalypse, but also shows off full holographic video in a large range no matter if it poorly lit or sunny locations. It doesn't matter if it's secrets about Umbrella or meaningless plot points, you'll see some great visuals with this device that doesn't seem to ever need charging. It can also give you full visual readouts of your locations. May or may not also transfer memories from original versions of yourself? It may have also been an earpiece, unsure as how badly the movie was made.

4. Cryo-Unit Storage Facility

Remember the secret Umbrella Corporation base from the first movie? Well, there was another secret facility underneath it, holding the rich and Umbrella elite in cryo units maintained by robots. How do you get to the any of the many floors of the frozen jerks? A secret elevator that was actually the room before you entered the Red Queen. Which made no sense, but was cool to look at.

5. Insta-Skin

Did you just lose something? Like an appendage? Bleeding out? You need Insta-Skin that instantly heals over your bleeding wounds and coats them in something that looks like skin and is never fully explained. Comes in white, not sure about other colors.

6. Umbrella Bionic Implants

Giving the powers similar to the androids from Dragon Ball Z with a twist, you have cyborg Umbrella Corporation bosses. If you've ever seen the film D.O.A. and yes, it is based on the game, then you may remember some cool glasses that could predict martial art moves. Well, based on another bad game movie those glasses are back though they might be bionic eyes. The main bad guy in the movie has them and it is hilarious. As stab attemps have percentages. Bionic users might also have have ability to take extreme damage and have super speed. May need system reboot after heavy damage.

A few other things

Dr. Isaacs played by Iain Glen seems to have forgotten any sort of acting he learned on Game of Thrones and gets homerowed (hit in the head with a keyboard, twice) and gives the best scream when he gets his hand cut off. Meme it

Don't see it.

From imdb the accidents on set were severe

-Ricardo Cornelius was a crew member on the film's shoot in South Africa when he was standing near a Humvee that was located on a rotating platform. Apparently, the Humvee was not properly secured and it slid off the platform. According to Deadline, when this happened it pinned Cornelius against a wall and crushed him. The crew member was rushed to the hospital and placed on life support, but he passed away a few hours later.

-During filming stuntwoman Olivia Jackson suffered a severe injury to her left arm after a motorcycle crash and ultimately had to have the arm amputated.