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Friday, August 25, 2017

Pantheon: The True Story of the Egyptian Deities Review: A Modern Day Telling Of Jerks

Yeah, kick that God in the d*ck! I could not put down Hamish Steele's-it's his real name, he's British-book, Pantheon: The True Story of the Egyptian Deities. I read the thing cover to cover and gawked at how insane the story is that was briefly made into a movie series that started and died with Gods of Egypt. Though, it looks like a kids book for brief periods, it's in no way that. This book is a modern telling of how Egypt came to be, and it came to be in a really f*cked up way. Like this quote reveals, " Maybe having bird sex with a golden zombie dick isn't the best way to start a child."

Pantheon: The True Story of the Egyptian Deities

After just seeing a few images from AV Club I had to get my hands on this book and it was really worth it. It breaks down the entire Egyptian mythology of how creation started. And it started dirty. It break down into a family power struggle filled with incest and just the most random and weird ideas that are all based on what the Egyptians took as how the world worked.

We mostly follow the story of Ra's children, Ra's the sun God, sort of like a big deal like Zeus in Greek mythology. We follow the couples Set and Nepthsys and Osiris and Isis who are brothers and sisters. The family feud over ruling Egypt is between Set and Osiris, but eventually becomes a fight between Set and Osiris' son Horus. And it's a strange dirty fight.

Along the way we learn Gods like getting it on, scorpions make horrible pets and being born again is really weird. Thoth just doesn't want to talk about it.

I really don't want to give much away from the story, it's so random and that's what's so great, there's little logic on where things will go and Hamish draws it out with a little wink to the readers with the characters complaining about it. I would say Isis is having a very hard time with how weird everything is going for her. But, if you remember when you studied anything from ancient Egypt in school in your adolescence, it'll bring you back to to that period as the story seems written by someone in their adolescence.
I just wish that Hamish could have let someone else do the lettering so each God had their own distinct style and maybe it could look a little nicer, like have a hieroglyphic edges to voice bubbles , it's a small problem, but giving everyone the same world bubble seemed a little lazy.

Grab this book online or if you can find it in a book store. If it's in the kids section take it out of there, because it sure as Hell doesn't belong there, not with all the incest, jizz, violence and other adult themes. It's like someone doodled the book while learning about ancient Egypt in class and you just found it again. This is the story of Egypt as best as it can be told by a British cartoon man based on sketchy facts from sources we can't possibly verify. And it make for one fun back to back read that belongs on your table.
*It's great this came out at the height of the return of Egyptian culture with Universal's The Mummy starring Tom Cruise...ahhahahhhaaaa.

Book provided by publisher for review purposes