Friday, June 3, 2022

Don't See Dashcam

Annie isn't okay.
Give an award to whomever made the trailer for Dashcam, because it sells a movie that doesn't exist. Dashcam looks like a fun, found footage action thriller from its amazingly cut together trailer. What it actually is, is a horrible non-stop rap from a woman with a lisp that curses non-stop with a plot that makes no sense. 
Annie Hardy, who I've never heard of, plays herself and the most unlikable YouTuber/Twitch
personality that has a livestream of her driving around LA. Also, somewhat out of date for controversy, she's against wearing a mask and is pro-Trump. And, these parts of her personality are not changed or given another side, she's just meant to be hated. And, those aren't the reasons you hate here.

Annie Hardy is an obnoxious troll who raps and cusses non-stop that you hope the worst for minutes into the film. "Sh*t on my d*ck," is her never-ending catchphrase and it's not funny, it's just annoying. Like every other word out of her mouth.

After just deciding to go to England, because LA sucks right now to her, she meets up with a friend, going by the name Stretch (played by Amar Chadha-Patel) and seemingly ruins his life and stumbles into her own horror movie. 
Plot, and any sort of arch for Annie don't exist. Just bad stuff seems to follow her and Stretch. 

There's a whole thing with her and crosses that I though would tie to religion, but nope. There's no deeper meaning to anything or any sort of flow or payoff.

The trailer shows none of the constant annoyance that in Annie. The trailer has no glimpse of the dumbest women ever in a horror movie that I don't know why Blumhouse thought, "This 40-year-old women who raps like garbage and cusses like a child in Fortnite, she needs a vehicle."
There's great practical effects for a horror film wasted on Annie and everyone else in the film.
The only part that got a chuckle out of me is when Annie is frantically searching for keys and she does the, "Keys, Keys Keys, Keys on Van Nuys", jingle.
Do not see it, even for a so bad it's good feeling. The trailer is a lie.

Or Firestarter (2022)

Blumhouse is just pushing through what was filmed during Coivd and it shows.

Bloody Disgusting has a great review on the horrible remake of Firestarter.

And it's real depressing as the director just did an amazing job with the Jewish horror film, The Vigil. I don't know how it came from that to make such a lifeless, boring remake in Firestarter.