Friday, October 21, 2022

What To Watch (And Not) For Halloween 2022

Another October, what to watch? Look no further then our list of horror movies right here.
If you're a child of the 90's, this one is for you. The "tape" puts together a terribly accurate talk show from the time and a special on Halloween night about aliens. As though it was really recorded of local TV you'll see 90's commercials you've never heard of, but they look and sound straight from the time.

That's what's great about Chris LaMartina's work, it looks like you've found a strange old VHS tape and you don't know what weird story you're gonna get. 

You are following the talk show host as she's downgraded in her career to co-host of Out There on what looks like a channel very much like a FOX affiliate. Her career isn't doing so well, so she's working Halloween to promote her new paranormal show.

If you know the original film set in the 80's, you'll be getting a movie with some great callbacks to the characters of the prior film. Like me though, you've got to put away the notion that there will be a direct connection to the first film and think of it more of a legacy movie. So, same intention of a "forbidden tape", just a new story.

What might be hard is to accept that you're not supposed to fast forward through the commercials and promos, it's all part of the movie to give the experience of finding a notorious tape with something wrong just lurking out of view.

Sadly, no way to stream this one yet. It's having special screenings around the country, but if you want to fork over $30 +shipping you can get this found footage sequel for Halloween. Heck, there's not even a trailer.

Bodies Bodies Bodies
Rent Online

If you think everyone's too woke, this one might be for you. Really, love the look at what teenage culture/college-age kids seem to be like now or at least a parody of them.

Not in the vein of Scream as other critics have been putting it. Scream was about the love of slasher movie. Knowing what to do based on other horror films. This is more about dealing with friends who kind of suck. And one of them could be a murderer you're stuck with. What those critics are trying to say is this was made for what we see as the current young generation.

A young lesbian couple going to a friends mansion during a rainstorm get stuck there. And, they don't seem to be invited. Not because their gay, it's because everyone has beef with each other. The power goes out and the games begin with Bodies Bodies Bodies about solving who the murderer is before you get murdered, much like the games Werewolf or Mafia.

Then, some real murder occurs and you're stuck in a thriller horror movie and you don't know who to trust because everyone kind of deserves to die.

You'll enjoy figuring it out at the end and just realizing you don't really like anyone at this party. 

Halloween Ends
In Theaters and Streaming on Peacock
Some might say the best part of Halloween Ends is the cool new pumpkin opening titles. Eh, that's one part of it. The rest is a fun new Michael Myers movie...that might not star him very much. Without giving much away, the story of Laurie (Jamie Lee Curtis) probably should have ended in the last film or early in this one and set up some new characters.
Is it the best writing in the But, at least it's shot like a feature length film and looks better then the churned out garbage they were making years ago.
If you watched the others in the trilogy you might as well finish it off and ask, "Wait, what happened?,"

Better in a theater.

We're looking forward to these two on Shudder. Deadstream, about an internet streamer getting stuck in an actual haunted house and has to pay for doing something bad. Then, there's V/H/S/99, a brand new horror anthology in the V/H/S franchise.

Here's what not to look at:

Jeepers Creepers: Reborn
Rent Online
From the man who brought you Iron Sky and some iffy questions on who owns the rights it's Jeepers Creepers: Reborn. Remember the other movies in the franchise of a monster man that eats people, makes weapons and clothing out of them and can replace his body parts with his victims? This one does, as all of those were movies. Yeah, in this one people have seen Jeepers Creepers and it's much more confusing then the Stab series in the Scream films, because at least in that IT WAS RENAMED!

The main story is about a Jeepers Creepers fan and his pregnant girlfriend going to a horror convention where the movies supposedly took place and then it turns out The Creeper is real and wants to eat them and get the life-force from their unborn baby.
The entire thing is just so amazingly bad you can see why it got a 0% at Rotten Tomatoes. One scene has the pregnant girlfriend pulling off the road quite fast and throwing up to which her boyfriend sat in the car and doesn't bat an eye. He doesn't see why she got out of the car and then uses Bixby. Yes, Bixby, Android's Siri you've never heard of. He uses it to text his Mom on how everything is going great. What?

There's no end to nonsense, bad writing and what needs to be award for bad CGI. Watching with a friend, we both thought we were playing a PS3 game when we entered the fakest graveyard ever. Someone needs to be in trouble for this. Just a crappy set would have have been better than me thinking I was playing Resident Evil or Silent Hill from more than a decade ago.

I can't even recommend it to be a so-bad-it's-good film, because the third act is just so boring.

Hats off to whomever cut the trailer to make it look fun.

Streaming on Hulu 

What do you get for the junkie and gross looking women in your life? How about an evil puzzle box? We follow the most unlikable women and her friends as they get dispatched by some evil pervert demons that can't tell pleasure from pain.

I hoped for the best for David Bruckner's latest horror film. I really loved The Ritual and have been waiting to see his newest work. Sadly, anything David S. Goyer touches falls apart. How is he still getting writing work after Batman Vs Superman? 
Anyway, per usual we get some great, scary visuals from Bruckner, just like his last film, The Night House. And, like the last film they are the best part of the movie

There's just these great moments where doors open up out of nowhere or the world breaks apart and moves away and you get taken to "Hell" eh, the Hell-like dimension. Visually, it shows money went into it and impresses the eye. Freaky to see happen to and is most unsettling.

Too bad it's wasted on no one I care about!Because, I couldn't care less about any character dying in this. They either don't matter or straight up suck.
When one of the characters died, I was like, "Wait, that women was Asian and had a British accent." Woah, I knew nothing about her and did not get up and go to the bathroom.

Like the other many complaints online, the new film doesn't really show off any of the new kinky subcultures out there that have popped up over the years since the original. Hellraiser Original Flavor did this with leather, BDSM and metal earrings, where metal earrings shouldn't be.

The Ritual seems like his best work and sort of like his filmography is in reverse order. Like these films would build up to him making The Ritual

Let's see some new kinks and some characters we can care about.

Hope this gave you some perspective on what to see this Halloween. Always good to look online and browse Letterboxd's Horrorville if you're looking for a certain niche. Just search and there might be a list on it.