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Friday, November 24, 2023

X-Mas Horror Films 2023 & One Hallmark Hanukkah Time Loop Movie

We didn't think there be that many X-Mas Horror films this year. We were wrong. We don't know when they go into production, but there's once again a plethora of Santa murdering/Santa being murdered content for you just in time for the holidays. Oh, and one Hanukkah movie like Groundhog Day.

It's A Wonderful Knife

On Shudder on AMC+ and Everywhere you Rent Movies on December 1, 2023

A year after saving her town from a psychotic killer on Christmas Eve, Winnie Carruthers’ life is less than wonderful — but when she wishes she’d never been born, she finds herself in a nightmare parallel universe and discovers that without her, things could be much, much worse. Now the killer is back, and she must team up with the town misfit to identify the killer and get back to her own reality. 
* Been waiting on this one, maybe just because Justin Long is in a horror Renaissance period. We just saw him in Barbarian, Goosebumps and now this.

Santa Isn't Real

Coming to VOD and Digital Platforms December 8th 

After suffering a brutal attack on Christmas eve, a young woman, Nikki, struggles to convince her friends that the assailant was none other than Ol' Kris Kringle. When Santa returns to terrorize the group in their remote cabin the next Christmas, Nikki and her friends must overcome disbelief as they fight to stay alive.

* Anything from XYZ I'll give a shot.

Silent Night

In theaters December 1st, no streaming as of writing.

From legendary director John Woo and the producer of John Wick comes this gritty revenge tale of a tormented father (Joel Kinnaman) who witnesses his young son die when caught in a gang’s crossfire on Christmas Eve. While recovering from a wound that costs him his voice, he makes vengeance his life’s mission and embarks on a punishing training regimen in order to avenge his son’s death. Full of Woo’s signature style, Silent Night redefines the action genre with visceral, thrill-a-minute storytelling.

* The creator of Face-Off made a Christmas movie? And the main character doesn't talk? Count me in.

The Sacrifice Game

Will  start streaming on Shudder from Dec. 8

The Blackvale School for Girls, 1971. It’s bad enough that students Samantha and Clara can’t go home for the holidays, but things take a deadly turn when a gang of cult killers arrives at their doorstep—just in time for Christmas.

* Look like a classic 70's evil Satanic cult film.

Bottom of the barrel, the following are X-Mas horror films that just... best to push them down the gullet with some very strong nog.

Werewolf Santa

Can rent online now

Santa turns into a werewolf on Christmas Eve, and wreaks havoc in a small seaside town - Lucy has a show called 'Monster Hunter's' on Youtube, but it's not doing too great with just a few viewers following her. That is until, on Christmas Eve, her camera witnesses Santa get bit by a werewolf in the local park, before turning into a werewolf himself. Lucy and her family then set off on a Christmas Eve adventure to somehow save Christmas, armed with just a rusty ice skate and a vague understanding of how werewolves operate.

*Just the name only has me ready for this garbage.

The Mean One

Can rent online now

In a sleepy mountain town, Cindy's parents are murdered and her Christmas is stolen by a bloodthirsty green figure in a red Santa suit.
*They can't legally say it, but it's the Grinch going on a murder spree on Christmas. Sounds like the perfect stupid X-Mas horror for some. Very bad reviews.

Comes out on SCREAMBOX and for rent this December
Max was only six years old when he accidentally burned Santa to a crisp on Christmas Eve. 12 years later, Max attempts to raise Santa from the dead in order to fix his past mistakes and restore the Christmas spirit. But he soon realizes that the creature he has created is a bloodthirsty killer – and it’s headed straight for the town's Christmas party! Buckle in for some bloody holiday cheer that will leave you having a ho-ho-whole lot of fun!

*It just looks so cheap, solid, ridiculous concept, terribly made.

Secret Santa
Streaming now on SCREAMBOX and for rent online
Christmas dinner brings tidings of death when someone enacts revenge, and out of the bloody madness rises a hero who must face all odds to stop an outbreak before it's too late.

*Claim to fame from director Adam Marcus, who did Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday. Looks like it was shelved for quite a few years as I see it being completed 2017-2018.

Night of the Missing
On SCREAMBOX and for rent online now

The sheriff of a small town is a serial killer. A mysterious woman visits him and starts a conversation about the crimes he committed.

*It just doesn't look that good.
Nightmare on 34th Street
Out on digital Dec 5

Synopsis : A mysterious and psychopathic Santa visits a small, rural town with a bag full of unusual gifts and twisted holiday stories featuring Krampus, a murderous St. Nick and killer carol singers that are certain to ruin the Christmas season forever.

Up on the Housetop
Not available online

Four siblings reunite at Christmas after the sudden death of their parents. But after accidentally killing Santa on Christmas Eve, they must survive the night against his 8 killer flying reindeer.

* We hope this short film finds a place online somewhere, it looks too dang good not to. It looks like it's just showing on the festival circuit right now.

Round and Round

Premieres, Sunday, Dec 10th 8/7c 

Rachel’s stuck in a time loop, reliving the night of her parents’ Hanukkah party. Can Zach, the “nice boy” Grandma’s trying to set her up with, help her make it to tomorrow? Starring Vic Michaelis, Bryan Greenberg and Rick Hoffman.

* Sorry, for the lack of a trailer, but Hallmark doesn't always release one. Jews have started getting one Hallmark movie a year and we like it. That it's a time loop movie only adds to the fun of it.