Where do we event start this year? Oh, ladies, gentleman, it was fun, just going through Hallmark's, Lifetime's and now Netflix's calendar of pure cringe, utter nonsense holiday programming. We sat by our screens and looked through their guides and saw, well, some truly strange ideas that we're sharing with you now.
The Gist: So, two angels are in a fight over how to make a couple fall in love over Christmas. And, they might fall in love too...This might...I mean, it's just such an insane concept, something maybe that could have been made in the black and white days of movie pictures...with like one angel. Instead, I think it'll be meta commentary on how predictive Hallmark movies are as the angels battle it out with endless couples falling in love scenarios.
Real Synopsis: Monica (Ory) and Michael (Ayres) are Christmas Angels tasked with bringing destined soulmates together during the most magical season of all. Typically, Angels work alone, but when the Christmas Connection Department faces the threat of downsizing, Monica and Michael are unexpectedly paired to ensure Daisy and Patrick fall in love before Christmas. The partnership isn’t without its challenges: Monica is a by-the-book traditionalist who follows every heavenly rule, while Michael embraces spontaneity and delights in earthly joys like hot chocolate, snowball fights, and holiday dancing. Their clashing styles – and the undeniable spark growing between them – complicate their mission. As Christmas Eve draws near, Monica and Michael worry that their differences will keep them from completing their mission in time. But just when it seems all hope is lost, a surprising turn of events changes everything – leading to a Christmas connection no one saw coming.
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Fan poster
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The Gist: From looking at the poster above without the title and just seeing a ghost that looks like Morpheus on the wing would you get it's a take on A Christmas Carol with a hot female Ebenezer Scrooge on a plane? No? Well, you aren't my friend who got it in one.
Real Synopsis: When workaholic CEO Ella Neezer tries to skip Christmas by flying to Australia, she’s in for the flight of her life. Haunted by her past, present and future, she’s forced to confront the choices that led to her success yet left her flying solo. With the help of three quirky spirits and a surprise reunion with her ex, she might just rediscover the magic of Christmas – and the love she thought she’d lost.
Do You Fear What I Fear premieres Thursday, December 4 and should be available for steaming now
The Gist: Honestly, it's the name alone that makes me want to see it. A scary take on Do You Hear What I Hear. The director has a boat-load of murder/revenge movies for Lifetime, so y'know it's in the perfect cringe hands.
Real Synopsis: Claire's fresh start in the city turns chilling when eerie holiday decorations begin appearing in her apartment - each one a message from someone who knows her too well. Who is the dangerous "Secret Santa" watching her?
Real Synopsis: Falling on Santa’s Naughty or Nice list used to be a call made by Santa and his elves. But with the number of kids worldwide skyrocketing, Santa has outsourced the job to the Naughty or Nice Group, a consulting firm that has cornered the market on determining a child’s niceness thanks to an airtight formula. As a top inspector with the group, it’s Isabel’s (Chabert) job to make the tough calls, by assessing the children on her list and assigning a verdict. When she is tasked with evaluating a mischievous 11-year-old Charlie Duncan, she expects a routine case. But things get complicated when Isabel unexpectedly falls for Charlie’s widowed father, Jason (Walker), and begins to question the rigid rules of her job. As Christmas approaches, Isabel must choose between following the holiday algorithm or following her heart.
Streaming on Hallmark+ next day
Real Synopsis: When water lines break at Temple Beth Am, it leaves its members in need of a place to celebrate Hanukkah. Across the street, St. Joseph’s Episcopal Church is quick to open its doors and offer shared space for the holidays. With the last night of Hanukkah and Christmas Eve falling on the same day this year – something that rarely happens – the reverend and rabbi choose to offer a joint service for their congregations. But that means Nikki Roberts (D’Orsay), St. Joseph’s youth choir director, must team up with Jake Cohen (Epstein), the substitute youth choir director from Temple Beth Am, and put on a single music program. These two are old high school rivals and together, they’re ready to compete for the top prize. That’s not helping matters at a time when partnership matters most. To lead a successful fundraising effort for the temple, Nikki and Jake have to put aside their differences and learn how to work together. In doing so, they discover teamwork can move mountains and open hearts, including their own. On their big night, Nikki and Jake find a way to unite people through the power of song and prove that coming together is the best way for everyone to celebrate the holiday season.
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| It's still so early for Liftetime, they don't have a poster |
Real Synopsis: Tennis star Luke Hollis heads home for Christmas and discovers his family's racquet club is about to be sold. Along with Caroline, the club's pickleball coach, Luke agrees to compete in a holiday tournament that could save the club.
Extra:
You have to give it to Family Guy this year, they're parodying all the above Hallmark Christmas and Lifetime movies into one bite-sized episode of the show. Does it look funny, yes. Is it appropriate for younger kids, nope.
