Thursday, May 1, 2014

Amazing Spider-Man 2 your spandex is fine, your story is not

Alex Kurtzman and Roberto Orci have gotten too rich to care about writing anything decent anymore in this teen drama, personality disorder, dub-step tripe that is the Amazing Spider-Man 2.

Amazing Spider-Man 2 fails on many levels from having one of the worst webbed together stories stuck together like a hobo suit made out of discarded pieces of clothing. Moments seem directly stolen from The Dark Night franchise. The cast does its best with no direction and characters that don't understand much of their motivation. Action and special effects are amazing, wasted on this film with too much teen drama and random story and set pieces.


Starting the film we have a less entertaining version of the plane crash that starts off the Dark Night Rises with Peter Parker's parents escaping the country. After they hopefully die in the crash sending a mysterious message we skip years ahead to Spider-Man swinging around New York. These special effects are outright amazing. Spider-Man may have never looked more real swing across New York in a suit he made himself. With a series of slow-mows were sadly brought into a cartoon police chase.

Plutonium was to be stolen, but Spider-Man can juggle and catch canisters of it from an insane truck driver with his feet. This truck driver is Paul Giamatta, it could have been played by anyone. At one point the action paused for me and I knew the film wasn't polished. Just this awful shot made it in of a point-of-view of the truck . It showed the editor was either a sleep or just didn't care with all the action happening around.

We get the main plot of Electro in the chase with a save from Spider-Man of nerdy Max Dillon.
The plots sets itself up with Max Dillon working for Oscorp, being mistreated, having a freak accident and becoming Electro.

I should have written plots, because they tacked on more then just that.

Harry Osborn, Peter Parker's best friend, we never saw in the first film, is back in town to take over Oscorp. He's dying from a genetic disease that gets worse conveniently as he takes over Oscorp. Harry believes Spider-Man's blood can save him and wants Spider-Man. Harry is also fighting for control of the company.

Peter decides to find out more about why his parents left him with no real provocation other than having free time while not dating Gwen Stacy.

 Mary Jane Gwen Stacy, who works at Oscorp (while still in high school) loves Peter Parker, but gets dumped by Peter from fears of her getting hurt. This back and forth love dodging and coming back together ruins most of the film with teen drama moments that switch into campy hero movie moments and all out action, which doesn't stick together well. It's like Spider-Man keeps waking up from a nightmare when we leave these garbage dram moments and go back to action or story.

The nightmare that wouldn't end

The audacity of Gwen wanting to go to England for Oxford, while she knows Peter Parker is dealing with so many problems goes to show how dumb the film is for teen drama. Adding such a meaningless problem for Peter while real problems mount shows such a lack of an attempt to tie the film together or create a fluid story. You know she's not going to England, writing it out now it seems so silly they even put it in.

Deary me, Spider-Man will go to England to fight cities with no guns in them.

Silly doesn't event begin to start of the need to be like the Dark Night or the dub-step musical interludes of Electro.

The film has a thing for secret bases like the Batcave. Spider-man gets one from his dead father in a New York subway system. This base is used, but once. It was used for one scene. There were some scenes where Spider-Man could have used a secret base. They wasted millions of dollars on a set piece of a secret subway system for one video in poor quality. That crappy video reveals why Spider-Man's blood won't work for Harry. An e-mail might have worked too.

Harry does not care. Harry has his own secret base to find thanks from a tip from Felicia, yes Black Cat, whose just a secretary right now in the film series. He has a secret base of his own with the setup for spin-offs and sequels ready to go with no real plot needed. Scrap animal-human hybrid instead of mutants, it's just going to be the convenience of Oscorp technology. It's in the Oscorp building that is well protected as the new Freedom Tower. There Harry injects some spider-venom, that gave Spider-Man his powers, into himself looking to cure his disease. This fails and he becomes more messed-up, grabs Goblin armor and knows how to fly and control it within minutes of getting it.

Electro on the other hand or the main focus of the story has been campy, except for fight scenes. The dub-step does hurt his cred, but you'll give up on him and trying to find redeeming moments in the film early on.

Max Dillon, saved by Spider-Man during the opening truck scene made him idolize the web-slinger. Spidey, jokingly says he needs him when saving the comically nerdy Dillion. An accident involving, electric eels, no, I'm not kidding, gave Max electric powers. The special effects for Electro and even his new design work in the film. His campy, poorly written moments remind you of Spider-Man 3. He is so one-dimensional that he goes through a character arc of being picked on to picking on New York. I'd rather he'd just be doing it for fame and money.

They tie Harry to him for a short while over Harry needing help, just like Max was "needed" by Spider-Man, Harry needs Max. This part was strangely homo-erotic, you thought Electro and Harry were going to kiss when they were together.

Electro's fights well ever so impressive with twirling shots of electricity and slow motion near misses with Spider-Man can be ridiculed because of dub-step and musical melodies in Electro's head.

There are voices in Electro's head and they sing to him, they sing to him that people are making fun of him. This is followed by an electric plant that lights up like a DJ booth with levels of electricity to dub-step music. Watching it makes you wonder who director Webb made the movie for. Not for anyone with any brain cells who would just like to see a fight with no underlying love for dub-step. Make a video game Webb.

Electro is possibly taken down or dead, its left it open for sequels. You think the movie is over, but know it's not. You wish it was if only for not wanting more action.

Harry Osborn, now some sort of freak, not naming himself Green Goblin, kidnaps Gwen Stacy, conveniently nearby, and drops her through a clock tower.

One of the best short fights in the film ends with her dying. The scene if not coming from nowhere with a much longer arc of Harry as the Goblin wouldn't have felt so rushed.

The movie then suspends itself with Peter sad about Gwen's death. This is followed by some forgettable acting by Paul Giamatti at Rhino, in a robot Rhino outfit.

A small boy dressed as Spider-Man, "Jorge", who doesn't look like a "Jorge" and might have his name changed around the world stands up to Rhino in a clear sign Sony doesn't care about small children doing the same thing in real life. Kids won't try and act like people in movies.

Amazing Spider-Man 2 was a sequel that had some sort of a story that flopped around, but didn't fully get itself. I can't blame the actors for anything other than accepting their roles. The writing and the way they were forced to act were the faults of the writers and director who shouldn't even have those titles for how bad it was.

The teen drama was so bad and subplots so thin it wasn't a movie going experience it was watching a teen drama at your home experience. It was shot in a way lacking style when no fight scenes we handled and it's unknown how much you can credit the director when so many other people control and make those scenes.

Oh, I wish I forgot about the power outage scene where two planes almost collided and had no direct involvement with the story. You watch two planes with no one on board that you care about be in danger. You learned from that scene in the Dark Night series when the Joker takes over two boats with explosives, didn't you Webb? It was meaningless then, as it was meaningless now.

Amazing Spider-Man 2, I wish you were forgotten and didn't have sequels and spin-offs coming.

*In the use of technology you can see an after trailer when you use Shazam on your phone, instead of just it being in the credits.